Motherhood can be very lonely. Hustling from work to pick up kids to home to make dinner, then the nighttime routine — there is often little to no time for friends or community. It is hard to build intentional relationships with such a packed life, but it’s very important. Here are a few ways I have learned to cultivate community with other moms in my life.
Identify friends in your same life/mommy stage
As a new, first-time mama I will never forget the few friends I had that were just a few months ahead of me. Their babies were 3-6 months when my son was just born, so they had just walked through what I was going through. Their first-hand knowledge was still fresh and helped TREMENDOUSLY! I had a few girlfriends who even went as far as, “Text me anytime, day or night, I will probably be up and can help!” These are the friends who I couldn’t have gotten through this season without.
I also found a group of local mamas who were all first time moms too! We formed a private Facebook group and posted all sorts of questions and comments from letting each other know of a great deal on diapers at a local store to planning mommy meetups at events in town. This is also the group I turned to one morning when I found myself actually crying over spilled milk. I was in a rush to get to work and I was getting my son’s milk ready for his nanny, but I failed to realize that one of the breast milk bags wasn’t zipped all the way. Long story short, it tipped over and I looked to see 5oz of my liquid gold all spilled. I just sat and cried… then started laughing when I realized I was literally crying over spilled milk. My friends in the Facebook group all understood and I got reassuring comments like, “ME TOO!” or “I’ve been there, that’s the WORST!” Community makes moments like these a little funnier I think!
Find a few older mommy mentors
Seasoned moms who had grown children or older children have been and continue to be a huge source of wisdom and encouragement, plus their years of life perspective has been invaluable to me. At one of my baby shower’s for my son (attended mostly by my mama’s friends) the hostess had each mama write out a little word of wisdom. I still have all their advice on a bulletin board in my son’s room. Some of my favorites were: “Make time to read to your son everyday,” “The dishes and laundry can wait, don’t miss the crucial moments,” and “Pick your battles.” I will treasure these words of wisdom forever.
Don’t ignore your friends who don’t have kids
Just because you are a mom doesn’t mean your friends without kids shouldn’t still be important in your life. My friends without kids help broaden my perspective and remind me that life has lots of different “normals.” While you may not be able to relate about topics related to motherhood, that is only one facet of your life. So invite that friend over for dinner, call her, meet for coffee, etc.
Where to Find Mommy Friends
Finding these friends can be hard, but opportunities are all around us. Most libraries have a story time, ask friends on Facebook who’s a new mama or in your stage of motherhood then start your own private group like we did, or you can join a faith-based group or study. Heck, strike up a conversation with a fellow mom at Target! You never know where you’ll find your next friend.
For me, having a community of mommy friends means I am no longer alone when I realize I don’t have it all together. And usually, it means we all laugh together when something ridiculous happens or cry when we’ve had a rough day. This incredible community of friends is priceless to me!
Kristen Steele is a working mom to a sweet and energetic son and has a daughter on the way. She blogs about motherhood, faith and more at Graciously Authentic. For another writer’s perspective on the importance of community and motherhood, click here.
